Ali the Bachelorette: The Guys Tell Us Not That Much

I don't recap this. And for good reason. To wit:

No Justin. Okay, that sucks, but...

No crazy hair Craig. Ooh, that's not too good either, but...

No Frank. They're "saving" him for "after the final rose". So basically, this show features nothing we want to see.

Question: why don't they have it in their contracts that they have to appear on this show? Wouldn't that be standard? This doesn't seem hard, people.

Hold up. There is one thing we want to see: Frog Voice/Deaf guy.

The other guys all verify that Kasey is indeed crazy, but they "respect" him for it. He was "there for the right reasons". I guess the right reasons involve singing and talking funny.

As the guys are saying how psycho Kasey is, he looks like he's never been happier.

Frog voice's voice is less froggy. He also thinks he's a "good memory".

"Guard and Protect Your Heart" count = 5.

In true Manning brother fashion, Ugly Manning Brother is acting like he's the quarterback of the dudes.

Chris Harrison goes into the audience for questions, and the first lady is very inappropriately dressed for that giant spare tire she's sporting. Good Lord. It's like a spare tire for a Jeep.

Ali comes out and oh no! A giant bird has taken a dump on her head. Oh, that's her hair do.

Fuck me. Deaf guy sings. It's uncomfortable. I hate how he thinks he's in on the joke and yet he totally isn't.

The end.


Next week - the lame finale, and then...Bachelor Pad! They could not make the finale look more boring and Bachelor Pad look more awesome. Interesting strategy, but sadly, I'm on board for both.