Sporcle

As those who love to waste time at work, Sporcle is one of the great internet things of all time. It's a website with quizzes. Awesome quizzes.

Can you guess every starting lineup for the San Diego Padres from 1990 to 2010? I don't know, but I'd sure like to try!

Who won every acting Emmy in the '90's? Probably Kelsey Grammer.

They are not just a fabulous waste of time, they are also as addictive as crack cocaine or The Hub. You actually get to a point on Sporcle where you long for the days when you hadn't yet taken any of their quizzes and they were all fresh.

But anyway, they had a new one on there that was crazy specific and awesome and I wanted to share it. It's for true Seinfeld fans only.

The question is; can you name every word from George Costanza's marine biologist speech from "Seinfeld".

I got 137, see if you can beat me.

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Sorry, I've Been Busy Watching "The Hub"

In my unemployment, I've somehow been able to watch even more TV. And in my watching, I stumbled on a brand new cable network called "The Hub".

I did a little research and discovered that it launched on October 10th, and it used to be "Discovery Kids". It's a joint venture between Discovery and Hasbro.

First of all, it's a little scary that a new, random channel popped up, and out of the 800 channels I get, I immediately found it.

But check it out, these are the shows on the current schedule for "The Hub": The Wonder Years, Family Ties, Doogie Howser MD, Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, GI Joe, and Transformers.

It's like I am the head of the network. It's unbelievable. I love The Hub! I have no idea how I lived without it for so long.

So if any of this sounds appealing to you, and it definitely should, check your local listings because it's out there, usually in the 200's (for Direct TV it's 294).

Needless to say, I've been watching Doogie and The Wonder Years quite a bit. And I have to say, the shows hold up. What is interesting is that they are both single camera half hour shows that do NOT feature wacky cut-aways, flash backs, or a fake documentary crew.

It seems like you can't have a half hour single camera comedy now without those things. It started with animated shows such as "Family Guy". Every joke is, "that reminds me of the time Superman delivered me a pizza and it took longer than 30 minutes" - cut to Superman delivering the pizza.

Then came Arrested Development. Admittedly, it did this "wackiness" pretty well, but it seemed to start a bad precedent of just jokes for jokes sake. It's similar to Scrubs. Scrubs started off strong, but then drifted into crazy cartoon land. Every joke needed to be punctuated by a cut to: JD dancing to a Bell Biv Devoe Song.

Currently, you have The Office (fake documentary/interviews), Modern Family (the same), 30 Rock (complete cartoon land), and Community (ditto) to name a few.

For some reason, these shows are unable to sustain themselves without the crutch of quick cutting zaniness.

And yet, Doogie and The Wonder Years were two extremely successful shows that lasted a long time. They did not rely on any of that. They did not have the standard "sit-com" rhythm of 3 jokes a minute. They were funny, but they weren't laden with punch lines. In short, they worked as half hour comedies, and half hour stories.

And as far as I can tell, this formula hasn't been attempted since. Why?

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PinkBerry, I Quit You

I would never commit mass murder. But I do day dream of it when I'm at PinkBerry. Why do people go somewhere and randomly open fire on total strangers? Maybe because they they're sick of being asked about their day.

There is a PinkBerry near my house. Occasionally, after dinner I will drive there, pick up some yogurt to go and drive home. That ends tonight.

I've always had issues with the place, but I tolerated it. Well, I can't anymore. Let's shine the spotlight on the 2 biggest problems:

1) There is always a line, but that is not the problem. The problem is that the people in front of me don't want to just order something. They want to try samples. They try this, they try that, meanwhile I'm standing there waiting, knowing exactly what I want.

There should be 2 separate lines: 1 for people who know what they want to order, and 1 for fucking assholes.


2) The PinkBerry employees are too God Damn friendly. Clearly, they've been instructed to act this way because they all do it. I know what you're thinking: a lot of stores have employees that do this and it's not a big deal.

You're wrong.

The employees, at least at my particular PinkBerry aren't just friendly. They don't just ask you how you're doing and that normal type of chit chat. No, these people, and I swear to God this is true, will ask you about your personal life. Here is a typical conversation - that I've had a thousand times now at this place:

PB EMPLOYEE: Hey, how's it going?
ME: Fine.
PB EMPLOYEE: How's your day been? You just getting off of work?
ME: No.
PB: Great! What - did your girlfriend make you go on a run tonight?
ME: No.
PB: Oh cool. What do you got going this weekend?
ME: Uh, nothing.
PB: Really? I'm thinking about going to the beach, maybe the mall. I need some clothes...

And this goes on and on. Sorry, that's not normal. It's fucking creepy. I hate them so much, and now I try to act as angry as possible, or give them uncomfortable answers. "Actually, my girlfriend just dumped me and I haven't worked in a year".

But this does not deter them, because they're like awkward small talk yogurt making robots. "I'm sure you'll meet someone!"

Thanks, guy, but if I wanted to talk to someone about my problems I probably wouldn't need a blog.

Anyway, I can't go there anymore. I get so pissed. It totally takes away from my yogurt enjoyment. So that's why, from here on out, I'm a Yogurt Land Man.

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Going On a Brief Vacation

I'm headed out for the rest of the week, but before I go here are some news and notes:

Mad Men Finale. This was easily the best season of the series. It's like they finally took my advice, which was: everything in the office is awesome, everything outside it is not.

The decision to start their own company was brilliant and put the focus where it should be: the advertising business and Don Draper, and took it off where it shouldn't be: January Jones and Dick Whitman.

As for the last episode, I'm in the minority who think Don's decision was brilliant. She can take care of those 2 little brats, she probably won't care if he cheats, and she doesn't have to know all about his stupid secrets. One other thing about her that's good... (warning: nsfw)

The Tea Party. I know everyone loves it when I talk about politics, but these Tea Party candidates deserve a mention. There's one who thinks being gay is like alcoholism, one who told hispanic kids they look asian, one who announced he won't answer questions about his past and then arrested a reporter who did, and one who is really bad.

I never thought I'd say this, but Sarah Palin is suddenly looking like the sane, smart one. Maybe that's their strategy.

Most people think that this is a huge year for the Republicans. And it will be in November. But long term, they might be turning themselves into a small group of extremists, like the Mormons. Just kidding, Mormons. Like the Scientologists.

Craziest development in TV: The Event is still holding up! I never would've expected it, but it seems like they planned this thing out a bit. The show is kinda like the San Francisco Giants, you keep expecting it to fall apart but it keeps going strong.

Boardwalk Empire is starting to get good. 2nd craziest development in TV: I now like Gretchen Mol.

About 5 or 10 years ago, I used to go on and on about how much I hated Gretchen Mol. The reason? The media did this weird thing that they always do where they pronounced her "the next big thing" even though she hadn't been in anything and was (in my opinion) not that attractive.

Well, all these years later, put her in the 1920's and all of the sudden she's fricking hot. Prohibition does strange things to a woman. Maybe in 5 years the same thing will happen with Piper Perabo.

Mark Zuckerberg. There was a little bit of a trend of people writing dumb things like "The Social Network" got it wrong! I say dumb because it's a movie, yes things have to be condensed and changed to make a 2 hour movie. But I think the essence of what happened is in that movie.

Then I read a blog today that featured this video, touting it as "Mark Zuckerberg" explains how wrong "The Social Network" is. In fact, I think the opposite. He can't name a single thing that the movie got wrong:



He says that he didn't come up with Facebook because of a girl, and even claims a girl like that never existed.

The movie doesn't say that he came up with Facebook because the girl dumped him. It shows him creating Face Smash because the girl dumped him. And in fact, Sorkin used Zuckerberg's own blog word for word in that scene. That girl did exist, although they did change her name.

Regardless, it's just a movie, not everything in it really happened and things were made up to make it more entertaining. But the guy isn't an angel, and neither are the rest of us.

Rubicon. I might be the only one watching it, and I'm fine with that.

TJ Lavin. Get back to killing it, my friend.

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We Have a Script Too, You know

An attractive female who I used to know recently contacted me via Facebook and asked what I was up to. I proudly stated that I was writing for a certain show on Comedy Central. It felt good to be able to say that I a) actually had a job, and b) on a show that isn't completely embarrassing.

I expecting a hearty congratulations or maybe even a "wow! way to go!". 3 days passed. And then the email came back...

It was a little of the congratulations, but it was more of a punch in the balls. Because she wrote:

"That's great. But are you still trying to write your scripts too?"

Oh. The show I write for isn't good enough for you? We're not real? We don't have scripts?

Nothing was italicized or underlined in her email, but here's where I imagined them:

"But are you still trying to write your scripts too?"

Every single part of that question is dripping with "aw, that's nice, but maybe some day you can do better".

Now, I know she didn't mean it that way. But the fact is is that I'm very sensitive to this "scripted" notion. I go on a lot of meetings. And in every single one of them, the "executive" I'm talking to says the following:

"Oh, so you're trying to break into the scripted world, huh?"

And they all say it like they are on top of the mountain and I'm down in the slums. I guess, to a certain extent, they are right. But that doesn't mean it can't piss me off.

I always respond to them by saying: "well, we have to write a script too".

At that point, they fumble around with "Oh I meant...you know...the half hour world" and it gets more and more uncomfortable from there.

They are right though. There is a hierarchy. Sketch/comedy/variety on the bottom, cable in the middle, and network half hour/hour on top. I am on the bottom, and I would like to be on top.

And yet...man, those network shows sure do suck.

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Do You Realize How Amazing This is?

This dude hits an X from 10,000 feet.

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Remember Ashlee Simpson?

Me neither.

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Dinner and a Humiliation

I went to see "The Town" on Friday (it was great) at the Century City mall. I got there a little early and was walking around. I went into a bathroom and took a couple of steps and noticed a girl do a double take my way.

She was tall, dark hair, and about as close as a girl who hangs out a mall can look like Penelope Cruz. She comes over to me, "hey! how are you?!" I said I was fine, but I wasn't. If I could behave normally around hot girls, I might actually have a chance with them.

Of course, I quickly put 2 and a hot girl approaching me together, and realize this is a sales pitch. She works at one of those mall stand thingies. I tried to walk away, said "I'm late for a movie".

But she was persistant, and said "it will only take 1 minute" and shoved a mirror in my hand. She says:

"Do you know what keratin is?"

Before I could answer, she was spraying it on my head.

"Look, your hair is getting fuller and richer!"

I quickly handed the mirror back.

"No thanks!"

And went into a full trot away from her. Then I reached into my hair and looked at my hand: it was filled with about a hundred, pube like hairs.

Maybe that's why no one goes to the mall anymore.

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Thoughts on "The Social Network"

--Aaron Sorkin is God (he also wrote the I am God speech from "Malice", so he was right). The thing I would love to know is all of the movies he has done punch up for. Because I can't imagine anyone running a studio wouldn't bring him in for a week on anything big to do dialogue work. It sucks that he doesn't have his own show anymore and years go by without seeing his stuff (or knowing that it's his stuff we're watching).



--Which brings me to this: Screenwriters always gripe about not getting enough credit and being the low people on the totem pole. And in the past there's been fights about the "a film by" credit.

Now, I love David Fincher. He's one of my favorites. But this was not, as the credit told us at the very beginning, "a David Fincher film". It was an Aaron Sorkin film. It's his. And if you don't believe me, read the script, and tell me who brought more to the table.

--I wonder how Shawn Fanning feels about the movie. This movie has spawned a bizarre revisionist history, where all of us are suddenly supposed to pretend that Sean Parker (played by Justin Timberlake in the movie) was the creator and "face" of Napster. Bullshit.

I remember this pretty clearly, cause it was only a few years ago, that Napster was all about that young kid wearing the baseball hat, and his name was Shawn Fanning. He's the guy who presented at the VMA's, he's the guy Lars Ulrich was yelling at, but now all of the sudden it's all about Sean Parker. Weird.

--Rooney Mara did a nice job in her 2 scenes. She seems sweet and innocent. If she pulls off Lisbeth Salander I will be shocked, and forced to proclaim her the best actress ever.

--The whole history of Marc Zuckerberg and Facebook is fascinating, but what I find interesting is how unoriginal everything was. His first creation, Facesmash, was already being done as hotornot.com. His next, Facebook, was already friendster and myspace.

It's just kind of crazy that you could make something that's already out there, with a few tweaks, and make $10 BILLION dollars. I guess it just proves once again that myspace really, really sucked.

--Odd Rashida Jones appearance.

--I have a few friends from Harvard, and they are almost exactly like Marc Zuckerberg, only less successful - but just about everyone is less successful than that dude. So it was cool to see Sorkin nail that type of guy.

--And finally, likeability.

I have had some dalliances in the feature world. And there's always one word that gets brought up over and over and over again. It's nauseating. It's the only thing agents and executives know how to say: Likeability. As in, "your main character needs to be more likeable." "Can he be more likeable?" "Why is the audience going to root for him, is he likeable enough?"

Shut up!

This likeable thing is bullshit. And "The Social Network" proves it. Marc Zuckerberg is a lot of things, but likeable is not one of them. And guess what? He's the main character. And guess what else? The movie is a big, fucking hit that's also going to win a lot of awards.

I hate likeability, because it's complete horse shit. You know why? Because once an actor you like plays any part, he brings all of the likeability you need to the table. Even if it's not an actor you like, he usually brings likeability anyway. An example:

The God damn Sopranos. Tony Soprano. Mob boss. Criminal. Killer. Fat guy. No name actor. Likeable? Yep.

TV has figured it out. People like rooting for bad guys. If you tell us this is the dude we're following, and give him just a glimmer of humanity, we will most likely root that person.

But for some reason, this doesn't hold for movies. It should though, because I hate Marc Zuckerberg, and I love "The Social Network".

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Look How Long This Guy's Torso Is

I was riding my bike today and became fascinated with this dude's upper body. I parked my bike and let him walk by me, and then very slyly took this picture. Seriously, look how long his upper body is and how short his legs are.

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Hating the Event Because of Lost is Lazy

Finally got around to watching the first two episodes of "The Event". I wasn't expecting much. Every review/article about it I read dismissed it as nothing more than a "Lost" rip off. I don't think it's even possible to read something about this show without "Lost" being brought up.

So anyway, I watched it...and I really, really enjoyed it. And I didn't think about "Lost" one time.

What? No show can have an airplane now? Is that where we're at? I'm very sensitive to unoriginal ideas on TV, probably because everyone is always telling me how unoriginal my ideas are. And I get why people would bring up "Lost", but it feels lazy to toss it into the "Lost" rip off bin and not watch it for that reason.

Didn't these people like "Lost"? Well, "Lost" is gone, so how about a show that has a mystery and isn't the same every week, a la House and Hawaii Five-0 and every other show on CBS. Being similar to one of the greatest shows of all time doesn't feel like the worst thing in the world.

I don't know how The Event going to turn out. These types of shows have a hard time sustaining themselves - I weep for you, Flash Forward and The Nine. But for right now, I'm on board, and I'm not gonna cry about it having the gall to steal the brilliant "plane crash" idea.

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