PinkBerry, I Quit You

I would never commit mass murder. But I do day dream of it when I'm at PinkBerry. Why do people go somewhere and randomly open fire on total strangers? Maybe because they they're sick of being asked about their day.

There is a PinkBerry near my house. Occasionally, after dinner I will drive there, pick up some yogurt to go and drive home. That ends tonight.

I've always had issues with the place, but I tolerated it. Well, I can't anymore. Let's shine the spotlight on the 2 biggest problems:

1) There is always a line, but that is not the problem. The problem is that the people in front of me don't want to just order something. They want to try samples. They try this, they try that, meanwhile I'm standing there waiting, knowing exactly what I want.

There should be 2 separate lines: 1 for people who know what they want to order, and 1 for fucking assholes.


2) The PinkBerry employees are too God Damn friendly. Clearly, they've been instructed to act this way because they all do it. I know what you're thinking: a lot of stores have employees that do this and it's not a big deal.

You're wrong.

The employees, at least at my particular PinkBerry aren't just friendly. They don't just ask you how you're doing and that normal type of chit chat. No, these people, and I swear to God this is true, will ask you about your personal life. Here is a typical conversation - that I've had a thousand times now at this place:

PB EMPLOYEE: Hey, how's it going?
ME: Fine.
PB EMPLOYEE: How's your day been? You just getting off of work?
ME: No.
PB: Great! What - did your girlfriend make you go on a run tonight?
ME: No.
PB: Oh cool. What do you got going this weekend?
ME: Uh, nothing.
PB: Really? I'm thinking about going to the beach, maybe the mall. I need some clothes...

And this goes on and on. Sorry, that's not normal. It's fucking creepy. I hate them so much, and now I try to act as angry as possible, or give them uncomfortable answers. "Actually, my girlfriend just dumped me and I haven't worked in a year".

But this does not deter them, because they're like awkward small talk yogurt making robots. "I'm sure you'll meet someone!"

Thanks, guy, but if I wanted to talk to someone about my problems I probably wouldn't need a blog.

Anyway, I can't go there anymore. I get so pissed. It totally takes away from my yogurt enjoyment. So that's why, from here on out, I'm a Yogurt Land Man.