How Did This Happen?

Many years ago, there was word of a "Three Stooges" movie. It was going to star Jim Carrey, Sean Penn, and Benicio Del Toro. In my head, it was going to be a biopic. I didn't think it could be anything else.

And it was to be directed by the Farrelly brothers.

As time passed, the big time actors dropped out and were replaced, and then their replacements were replaced. Now here we are, and instead of Jim Carrey, they got Wil Sasso. Instead of Sean Penn, Sean Hayes. And instead of Benicio Del Toro, Chris Diamontopoulos.

Digest that for a moment.

The Three Stooges movie somehow went from three A listers to the "star" of Mad TV, the second banana from "Will and Grace", and a guy I've never heard of in my life.

This doesn't make sense.

Something else had to be going on. You don't lose Sean Penn in a movie and replace him with Sean Hayes. Those two do not go out for the same roles. Sean Hayes wasn't the understudy on "Mystic River".

There had to be more to this story than we were getting. And then the trailer came out a few weeks ago. I demand that you watch it:



There was more to the story, indeed. And that more was the fucking script. Look at this thing. You think Sean Penn was going to be in that? Benicio Del Toro? Jim Carrey, maybe, but not those other two guys. It's a disaster. Snookie's in it, for Christ Sake!

How did this go so wrong? I don't have any answers. But as soon as Wil Sasso was tapped to be the lead in something, the people in suits should've shut shit down.

The trailer also goes to show that movies cannot be topical. Maybe the Jersey Shore thing would've worked a year or two ago, but now? You might as well have Alf and Spuds Mckenzie in that thing.

I don't know if it was ever supposed to be a biopic, maybe I projected that, but that would've been a way better idea. The simple fact is that The Three Stooges don't work the same way they used to. And you know who else doesn't work like they used to?

The Farrelly Brothers.

They had 3 movies in them, that's it. On the bright side, that's two more than the Wachowski brothers had. People think nothing happened on Y2K, but one thing did happen: these dudes stopped being funny.

Maybe it was The Farrelly brothers decline in stature that is responsible for this? Were big name people eager to work with them years ago, and now the best they can do is Just Jack? Maybe.

In a way, it's a good match - two outdated comedy brands trying to make a movie in 2011. I'm not sure why anyone would pay to watch some D level guys fake poke each other in the eye when you can watch regular people hurt each other for free on the internet. But hey, maybe there's tons of Sasso fans out there that I don't know about.