Team Handleman Expands

The decision has been made, and I have signed with an agency. Team Handleman now includes an agent, a manager, and a lawyer! Who am I? Trust me, I do not generate the kind of income that deserves this many leeches fighting for my scraps. How do they live? I don't know, they must have a million idiots like me for it to add up to any kind of living wage.

If you're a little surprised about this decision, well, so am I. Team Handleman has never really produced results. Actually, the only thing Team Handleman has ever produced is good stories for this blog. Another agent? What's the point? Why?

Well, here's my reasoning.

The argument against having an agent and a manager is the percentage of your income you have to fork over. That's really it. Other than that, there's no downside. But obviously, that's a really big downside.

Thus, the reason I decided to get an agent is because I don't care about money.

Okay, that's a lie. Of course I care about money! I'm not a dirty hippy. No one wants to be a part of the 99% if they have a choice. There isn't a person living in a tent who wouldn't trade places with Mitt Romney in a second. Heck, I'll throw on some magic underwear and praise Brigham Young right now if it means I get to live like Mitt.

But what I mean by not caring about the money is this:

I'm trying to have the best career I can possibly have. I'm trying to create my own shows and run them. I'm trying to be Jason Katims/Steven Bochco/David E. Kelley up in this bitch. Is that going to happen? Probably not. But I might as well give myself every opportunity to make that happen.

So the percentage taken out of the little money I make now isn't that big a deal...if it can lead to me making the big bucks in the future.

Again, probably not going to happen. But I'd rather not risk it and end up regretting it later.

And if it doesn't work out and they're taking 20% of my measly paycheck for writing one liners on MTV's "Teen Mom" dating show (which will inevitably happen), well then I will fire Team Handleman. It didn't work out, no harm done. At least I gave it a shot.

But if it does happen, and I'm running shit, maybe it will seem worth it. Maybe they made it happen. Or better yet, once I get there, I'll fire Team Handleman and keep all that cash for myself!

They'll either help or hurt or do nothing, and then in every scenario I can get rid of them and that 20% was just the price of playing.

So there you go. For my sake, I hope you never hear about Team Handleman's follies again, but I highly, highly doubt it. They are agents, after all. It's in their nature to fuck with me.