My 1st Annual Black List Award

The Black List came out today. That is the list of the "best unproduced screenplays of the year", as voted on by agents and managers".

In truth, many of these scripts are getting produced. I believe "The Social Network" was on it last year. And there are always accusations that one agency or the other manipulated the list.

But whatever, it's all we got, and it's probably a good enough representation of what scripts people liked. It's also fascinating to read and see what ideas are floating around.

The joke among my friends is that getting on the Black List is all about the title. There are always scripts that make it with swear words in the title and little else. Last year, "I Want to Fuck Your Sister" was on it. This year, we get "I Fucked Your Mom".

It feels like it's more about a gimmick than anything else. But more power to them.

Coincidentally, the day the Black List comes out is also the same day when I get really angry reading the Black List, mostly because I am sad and bitter. There is inevitably some awful stuff on it. It's usually a hacky logline that sets me off, and this year was no different.

But before we get to that, let's take a look at the list in general.

Zombies were big this year. Lots of zombies. There's a movie called "Boy Scouts vs. Zombies", and one called "Zombie baby". How about this one:

KITCHEN SINK by Oren Uziel
“A human teenager, a vampire, and a zombie must save their town from an alien invasion.”

That's everything that's popular in one! You have to buy it because it has everything people like right now. Something tells me Oren wasn't writing his little passion project on this one.

That's exactly the kind of script that ends up on this list, only he forgot to call it "I Want to Fuck Zombies and Vampires".

I've read a number of the scripts on here, some of which are really good. I'm actually not that angry about the list, and it's nice to read stuff that is great and see that other people think it's great too.

My current favorite is this guy named Dan Fogelman. He's also Hollywood's favorite right now, and he is unquestionably the hottest writer in town. He sold 3 specs this year for like $6 million bucks. 2 of them are on the list. I liked both. Here's one:

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE. by Dan Fogelman
“Straight-laced, forty-something Cal Weaver is living the dream – good job, nice house,great kids, and marriage to his high school sweetheart - but when Cal learns that his wife, Emily, has cheated on him and wants a divorce, his ‘perfect’ life quickly unravels.”

This movie is going to star Steve Carell. It's a great script, and shows why you can't always trust a logline. The weird thing about it is there is not a single original thing in it. Not one. You've seen all of it before, and yet...the script is amazing! He did it in an original, funny way, that you can completely see as a movie. He is a beast. Congrats.

But enough pleasantries, let's get back to the bitterness.

I'm here to announce that for the first time ever, I will be giving out my very own Black List Award.

This award goes to the screenplay on the Black List that most angers me. There were several strong candidates this year, but I'm happy to say that one stood out above all others. In fact, upon first reading it on the list, I thought it was some kind of cruel joke.

But before we get to that, we have co-runners up...

Co-Runner up:

HOT MESS by Jenni Ross
“Four girlfriends make, and then break, a list of rules devised to get the guys of their dreams and discover their inner hot messes in the process.”

I really hate "rules to find the perfect mate" premises. So annoying. Even Kate Hudson won't do them anymore. You can feel the log line struggling to connect with the title - a "hip" phrase that assures us of how hip the writer is. Here's a hip phrase: fuck you.

Co-Runner Up:

REPLAY by Jason Smilovic
“Based on the Ken Grimwood novel. A man dies, wakes up in his 18-year old body, and gets to relive his life over and over. With his original memory intact, he takes the opportunity to travel down roads he passed up the first time around.”

We all know this movie, we've all seen this movie, and yet here is this movie again. We have to give the screenwriter a break because this is based on a book. The writer got an assignment to turn this thing into a movie and was just doing his job.

But seriously? Did they not see "17 Again"? Okay, they're lucky if they haven't seen it, but they should've at least heard about it. Not to mention Peggy Sue Got Married and a number of other movies. Why am I the only one that needs respect things that have already been done?

Okay, I've delayed it long enough. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, the most anger inducing script of 2010!

PERFECT MATCH by Morgan Schechter & Eric Pearson
“Twenty-eight year old male and female roommates who are longtime best friends and unlucky in love decide to try an internet dating service which promises to introduce them to their ‘perfect match.’ In the process, they discover that they're each other's perfect match.”

Instead of an acceptance speech, thus now begins the traditional post award rage filled rant...

Thanks, everyone. I'm honored to be here tonight. In accepting this award on behalf of the writers, I'd like to ask them one question:

How in the hell, in motherfucking 2010, are you writing this script?! How? Answer me!

How do you sit at your computer, and go "I have a brilliant idea!" and write this unoriginal trash? Why aren't you answering me?

You do realize that it's been done on every sitcom, right? Every single one has done this. That's not an exaggeration. Even non-sitcoms have done it, hell, 90210 did it with Steve and Claire!

How hacky is it? They literally did it on "Three's Company"! No seriously, they did:

"Mate For Each Other" May 11, 1982
Jack and Janet meet with friends, a couple who were paired together by a computer dating service. Initially dismissive of the idea, Jack decides to try out the service secretly. When Jack arrives at the designated meeting place, he is shocked to discover he has been paired up with an equally secretive Janet.

There weren't even computers in 1982 and they did this shit! That's how awful it is. People were doing this idea before it was even possible to do this idea. It was thought of in advance!

Why does this piss me off so much?

Okay, I spend every God Damn minute of every God Damn day thinking that someone might be doing the same idea as me. I get a pit in my stomach every morning when I check deadline.com worried that my idea has been sold by someone else. This is my life.

And to think that someone out there is just watching Three's Company one night and does the same thing and it doesn't matter, and is in fact, rewarded for this "effort", drives me up the fricking wall.

I told my agent that I had an idea that took place in a border town next to Mexico. She sent me 3 scripts in development that all involved something with Mexico - none were like my idea - but she said "it's already being done". This is my life.

Three's Company!

But it's all right. I'm calm. I can't be bitter, I can't be angry, I just have to focus on my career.

In fact, I have a pretty good idea I've just started working on. I don't want anyone to steal it, so I can't reveal what it is. But I can tell you that it involves Mr. Furley.