Irwin's Annual Fall TV Viewing Guide Part II

Where were we? Oh yeah...

THURSDAY

BEST NEW PROCEDURAL THAT I WON'T WATCH

"Elementary" CBS. 10pm.
I've heard good things, and I like Lucy Liu. But I don't give a shit.

BEST NEW SHOW THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT CAN LAST MORE THAN ONE EPISODE

"Last Resort" ABC. 8pm.
The premise is awesome. Navy dudes on a sub get an iffy order to fire nukes and they disobey it. They end up on an island, declaring themselves their own sovereign country. A sovereign country with nukes.

My boy Ben - Scott Speedman - is in it, hopefully whispering like he always used to on Felicity, along with Andre Braugher, who always means business. It's awesome! But wait, 22 episodes of that? At 8pm? Can they pull it off? We shall see. 

RETURNING SHOW I WILL GIVE ANOTHER CHANCE

"Up All Night" NBC. 8:30.
I like the vibe of this show. They don't seem like they're trying very hard, and I admire that. It's just like, "let's let Wil Arnett fuck around for awhile". I've heard that they're rejiggering a bit, and getting rid of the whole Maya Rudolph as Oprah angle. I don't know, I kinda liked that.

And doing smaller stories about parenting is...questionable. It's very difficult to do a show focused on raising a baby. It sounds good in theory, but nobody wants to see that. There's a reason that Ben was in about 3 of the 200 episodes of "Friends".

WORST NEW SHOW STARRING A GIRL I LIKE TO STARE AT

"Beauty and the Beast" CW. 9pm.
Kristen Kreuk, the poor man's Mila Kunis. Or as I like to call her, the rich man's Mila Kunis. No one will watch this, which will make it the highest rated show on the CW.

FRIDAY

THE GREATEST REALITY SHOW OF ALL TIME

"Shark Tank" ABC. 8pm.
You know what's so great about "Shark Tank"? I mean, besides how great it is? It's that when it started, the ratings for it were awful. But I saw, and some of you saw, that it was a really good show. And ABC stuck with it, and pretty soon, the rest of America figured it out, and it built and built and now the ratings for it are fantastic.

Just like the fireman/inventor of that hose attacher thingy, it's a true American success story!

THE OTHER WORST PILOT I READ

"Made in Jersey" CBS. 9pm.
You know, I slept on it, and I came to a realization: "Mob Doctor" is way, way worse than this show. Don't get me wrong, this sucks too. But I shouldn't even put them in the same category, even though I do because I hate their titles so much.

The weird thing is they cast an uptight British chick to play a Jersey Shore, woman of the people type, who goes to work in a world of uptight high society types. Huh? We've all seen Sammie and JWow, we know these chicks now. Some British chippie isn't going to fool us.

It's a boring procedural, and will be cancelled quickly.

HOW DID THESE SHOWS GET PICKED RENEWED???

"Whitney" and "Community" NBC. 8pm. 8:30pm.
Guess what? Community wasn't even good when it was good. Not to mention it has the most annoying, defensive, no sense of humor fans on Earth. Good riddance to this thing.

And Whitney. Oh, Whitney. They smartly changed this show to more of an ensemble late last season. But still, the premise never made sense. The scheduling was never right. It's an ugly mess, and I'm not just talking about Whitney herself.

THE WE REALLY SHOULDN'T KNOW JOHN QUINONES BY NAME SHOW

"What Would You Do?" ABC. 9pm. 
It's terrible, and yet, there you are on a Friday night and there's nothing else on, and you watch it. It's the show I hate to hate. Fucking Quinones! Stop setting people up!

SATURDAY

GO SEE A MOVIE CAUSE THE NETWORKS GAVE UP

That's all I got guys. Overall, it wasn't a great pilot season. They ordered a lot of stuff, and I feel like most of it came back at a similar mediocre level. So they ended up just picking the shows that filled a genre that they were looking for. You may be shocked to hear this, but that usually doesn't make for great TV.

Please let me know if I missed anything, and/or what you're looking forward to. Thanks!