Irwin's Annual Fall TV Viewing Guide Part I

This is the post the world looks forward to every year. It's where I go through every night of television and tell you what I plan on watching and what I plan on hating. It's your September Christmas gift from me, Irwin Claus.

And I expect this year's to be the best one I've ever done because I've actually seen and read a lot of the pilots this time around. So let's begin, shall we?

Just remember the 2 golden rules:

1. I don't watch procedurals.
2. I don't watch comedies on CBS. 

SUNDAY

RETURNING SHOWS THAT ARE AWESOME

"Revenge" ABC. 9pm.
It used to be on Wednesdays and has been moved to Sunday. These types of shows are notoriously difficult to keep from being stupid, and some episodes lingered in that territory last year. But it finished strong, and I kind of trust this showrunner. He seems like he has a plan. Also, he did "Swingtown". Never forget (Grant Show's mustache).

"Homeland" Showtime.
I don't think too much needs to be said about this show. It's probably my favorite series on TV, and I look forward to seeing how they try to top themselves in season 2.

"The Walking Dead" AMC.
Jesus, what a night of TV! It reminds me of this club thing I was in during college, which had meetings every Sunday night. I lasted a week. Asking me to miss the Sunday night NFL game is one thing, but then HBO started knocking it out of the park every week and it became impossible to leave my shitty apartment. 

Despite what nerds would have you believe, The Walking Dead is not perfect.  In fact, no show ping pongs from fantastic to unwatchable more than this show, but there's enough good in here to stick it out for another season.

I'm a little worried though. I think it was a mistake to kill off Shane. I wanted to follow that dude battling zombies. Rick kinda sucks, but they've hitched their wagon to him so we'll see what happens...

THE NEW ABC SHOW WITH OLD ABC PEOPLE IN IT

"666 Park Avenue" ABC. 10pm.
I haven't seen this one yet, but I haven't heard good things. Locke is in it, which is good. So is Vanessa Williams. But horror type stuff tends not to work on network TV, cause you can't do it the right way. Then again, horror never works for me, cause I hate it and it's stupid.

THE SHOW I DON'T WATCH BUT PEOPLE SAY IS GOOD

"The Good Wife" CBS. 9pm.
It seems fine, but it's a procedural on CBS and rules are rules.

MONDAY

It was nice of the TV programmers to recognize that Sunday is jam packed with great stuff and give us a reprieve on Monday by putting all of the crappy shows there. If you like CBS or dancing, this is your night. If not, you are shit out of luck.

RETURNING SHOWS I LOVE

None.

RETURNING SHOWS I HATE

All of them.

THIS YEAR'S FLASH FORWARD/V/THE EVENT/THE NINE

"Revolution" NBC. 10pm.
It seems like every season one network rolls out a sci-fi, "Lost" style show. And every year, I get sucked into it and quickly become the only person watching it. This year it's "Revolution".

It's about what happens when all forms of power on Earth no longer work. Or something. Anyway, it's from JJ Abrams and Jon Favreau. My dream is that it makes it all the way through the season, and then the finale somehow incorporates story lines from Flash Forward and The Event and answers all of the mysteries. 

THE NEW SHOW THAT IS A GIGANTIC PIECE OF CRAP

"The Mob Doctor" Fox. 9pm
It's hard to believe that a show with such a snappy title could be bad, but believe it. This might've been the worst pilot I read (there's another contender coming up later) and I was absolutely shocked that it got on TV.

Sometimes they just greenlight shows because they "fit" some kind of slot they have, instead of worrying about the quality of the show. This is meant to go in the House slot. It's about a doctor! So it's the same! Except for the mob! Ugh.

TUESDAY

Lots and lots and lots of new comedies...

THE BEST NEW COMEDY

"Go On" NBC. 9pm.

I like Matthew Perry. I like ex "Friends" writers. I like my good friend who got hired to write on this show. I like sports. The only thing I don't like are group therapy sessions. There's something off about them, and it's also one of the reasons I don't like Community. Look how diverse all of us are! But we're coming together with our problems and doing wacky stuff!

Nevertheless, the pilot was well done and clever and funny. And it has to be better than Matt Leblanc's "Pucks!". 

2ND BEST NEW COMEDY

"Ben and Kate"
I wanted to hate this show, but it was actually one of the better comedy pilots. The guy lead in it, Ben, is just darn likeable.

Fun fact: Abby Elliott from SNL was fired after the initial table read for the pilot. They claimed it was because she was too young for the part, then they hired someone younger. Nice!

WORST NEW COMEDY

"The New Normal" NBC. 9:30pm.
Having characters talk directly to the camera when you're not doing a "mockumentary" should've gone out with Zack Morris. There's a reason they phased it out after the first season of Sex and the City. It's really bad and awkward, but this show does it. I have no idea why.

Oh, and Ryan Murphy (Glee, American Horror Story) is garbage. People either love or hate the guy, but mostly they hate him. He's not good, right? And yet, he has a billion dollars.

WORST NEW COMEDY THAT ALL OF THE CRITICS ARE PRETENDING IS GOOD EVEN THOUGH IT'S AWFUL

"The Mindy Project" Fox. 9:30pm.
I just don't get it. I don't. I mean, I like Mindy Kaling too. And I know we're all supposed to love everything she does, but this show is just not good. At all. And as awesome as Kaling is, there is a possibility that much like George Costanza before her, she just wasn't meant to be a lead.

THE NEW SHOW I SHOULD WATCH, BUT WON'T

"Vegas" CBS. 10pm.
Dennis Quaid stars in a period piece about the early days of Vegas. That is right up my alley! And yet...I think this is a procedural. Also, it's on CBS. I don't think there's anyway I consistently watch this.

It's funny, cause if this was on AMC, I wouldn't miss it.

BEST SHOW I DON'T WATCH FOR NO GOOD REASON

"Parenthood" NBC. 10pm.
Just never got into it. Wish I did, but I didn't. I have no excuse.

WEDNESDAY

THE BEST RETURNING SHOW THAT ALL OF YOU MUST WATCH

"Suburgatory" ABC. 9:30pm (new post "Modern Family" time slot!)
I'm not saying that you have to watch this show just because I'm writing on it now, but you have to watch it just because I'm writing on it now. And also because it's awesome!

Granted, I have no experience on working on a scripted network show before, but I can safely say that the 2nd season is probably going to be the greatest thing that you've ever seen in your life. And let's face it, you deserve to know what I've been up to during my Bachelor off hours.

THE BEST NEW DRAMA

"Nashville" ABC. 10pm.
Loved the pilot, and I don't even like country music or Hayden Pennit-a-whatever. It's enjoyable. Basically, I just want more soaps on primetime!

You know Connie Britton's good, I don't have to tell y'all that. Plus, there's something cool about the music business, which is what this is about.

THE BEST NEW MONKEY

"Animal Practical"
I hate animals. Really, I do. So how can I endorse a show about an animal hospital? Because that monkey is comedy gold! Believe the monkey hype. 

THE NEW SHOW I DON'T KNOW ABOUT

"Chicago Fire"
People are saying that this thing is no good, but I want to like it. Is it a procedural? I actually don't know. It must be, it's from the Law and Order guy. Bummer.

THE BEST REALITY SHOW STARRING BLAIR WARNER FROM THE FACTS OF LIFE

"Survivor"
Seriously, Blair is on it. And she loves God. I just don't understand why they wouldn't also put Jo on it as her foil! That formula never fails, just ask Mrs. Garrett.

Tomorrow, part II...