I recently found a music video that I've come to realize represents all of my young hopes and dreams. A video that marked a moment in time where I believed anything was possible, that good things can happen. And the fallout from that video dashed my childhood idealism. Crushed my belief system. And turned me into the cynical, bitter human being who now blogs on a 3 to 4 times a week basis.
Before we get to the video, let me set the scene for you. The year was 1990. I was a freshman in high school. There were 3 new kids in school, and I thought they were the coolest dudes around. Their names: Bell, Biv, and Devoe.
Sure, they're used as a punchline now, but that first album was no joke. "Poison", "Do Me", "Dope", "Thought It Was Me", those are all hits, my friend. It is undeniable.
But the group, specifically Biv, was not content to rest on their laurels. He had bigger aspirations. First, he discovered Boyz II Men. Then, he found Another Bad Creation. And that was just the tip of the iceberg!
Because Biv had designs on becoming the next Berry Gordy, and put together a huge roster of other amazing artists. To showcase all of this talent, he produced a song and a video featuring all of them. He called them The East Coast Family. And a 15 year old Irwin Handleman thought he was witnessing the next Motown.
Here is that video:
How can I put how fantastic this is into terms you can understand? Okay, let's say you love, I don't know, what do white people like? Mumford and Sons.
You love Mumford and Sons and can't wait for another album. But before another album comes out, they make a video where, in the span of 4 minutes, you are introduced to 20 other groups that are very similar to Mumford and Sons singing an awesome song. You would shit your pants. The thing you love just got multiplied by 20. Who are these other people who are so similar to the thing you love? Where did they come from? When will their album be out? Oh, the possibilities!
I literally thought that everyone in this video was going to be a Bell Biv Devoe level group. If I was told that any of them had an album at Tower Records, I would've immediately cut school and driven down there and bought it. Well, I wouldn't have cut school. I was a good boy. But right after last period I totally would've gone down there. Cause I believed things could be good!
I mean, Fruit Punch...
Why doesn't he get out much? Is he a singer or a rapper? I wanted to know!
But come on, Fruit Punch doesn't even come close to the most interesting person in this video. You might have your favorites, but mine has to be motherfucking HAYDEN!
Are you kidding me? A chubby white guy with pipes?! Yes, please! How the hell was there never a Hayden album?!! It's a crime. A crime! You couldn't have convinced a young Handleman that Hayden wasn't going straight to the top. Hayden!
Oh, but there's more. Hayden isn't the only white dude in The East Coast Family, cause there's also the Whytgize. Yes, The Whytgize...
Biv cut through all the bullshit and named them the Whytgize. He must have watched the Backstreet Boys and 'NSYNC make billions a few years later and wanted to kill himself.
Yo, what about my boy Big Ant...
Hey, they couldn't all be winners.
Alas, it was not to be. Not a single person in this video (besides the ones that were already established) amounted to jack squat. There were no albums. No East Coast Family tours. They vanished.
The dream died. Along with my positive outlook on the world.
Wait. There is actually a future "star" in that video.
That's the black chick from "Community". She beat the odds. She made it! Seriously though, how did Yvette make it and Hayden is selling insurance somewhere?!
Life isn't fair. And that's the lesson that All For One, One For All taught me. Things aren't always good. Just because you have all the talent in the world, like Hayden, doesn't mean you are going to make it. And also, the entertainment business is a fickle beast.
So other than Yvette, they are all gone. Where did they go? I want to see this as a reality show. I wanna know where they are now, what went wrong, what they do for a living. I'll never stop thinking about this. Every time I see an over weight white guy on the street, I'll wonder. Is that Hayden? Or 5 whyt gize singing acapella next to a burning trash can, is that the Whytgize?
You might think I'm joking, but I am really not. If anyone has information about these people, send it my way. This has to be a show on VH1. Or at the very least, VH1 Soul.
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