Yes, I Saw It

My email inbox was flooded this morning. Not by people wishing me a good morning, or a hearty congratulations on a hilarious season, but to inform me about this:

SEGWAY OWNER RIDES SEGWAY OFF CLIFF AND DIES

No, not a guy who owns a Segway - the guy who owns the Segway company! Insane:

Multi-millionaire Jimi Heselden, the owner of Segway Inc. since December 2009, has died after reportedly driving a Segway scooter off a cliff and into a river.

The fatal accident allegedly occurred at Heselden's West Yorkshire estate, according to the Daily Mail. He was "using one of the machines--which use gyroscopes to remain upright and are controlled by the direction in which the rider leans--to inspect the grounds of his property," writes the Daily Mail. "A spokesman for West Yorkshire Police said today: 'Police were called at 11.40am yesterday to reports of a man in the River Wharfe, apparently having fallen from the cliffs above.'"

Police told the Telegraph that a "Segway-style vehicle" was recovered at the scene of the accident.

Everyone who informed me of this was worried about my personal Segway crusade. And yes, I'll admit, this does not help matters. It would be like the owner of Jamba Juice dying of brain freeze.

But I will not be deterred. If anything, I will be even more passionate, because this at least proves that you don't need to wear a stupid helmet. Wearing a helmet on a Segway when falling off a cliff is like wearing a seatbelt on a plane. You're fucked regardless.

So I will still drink Berry Lime Sublimes and ride Segways. I will just avoid cliffs.