The Real TV Event You Must See

No, it's not the royal wedding. It is a thousand times better than any wedding could ever be. It's a reality show, but with good looking Americans, not with balding Brits, and it's this season of "The Real World".

It's interesting how when reality shows last for a long time, they are not talked about anymore. It's old hat to talk about "The Real World", or "The Biggest Loser", or "The Amazing Race". The quality may or may not be there, but the pop culture excitement isn't. But this is unfair.

The Jersey Shore is "hot", and getting crazy ratings. Yet it peaked in season 1. Meanwhile, no one gives a shit about The Real World but I would argue that this season is threatening to be its best ever. And I should know, because I have seen every single episode of every single "Real World", well, except for that one season in Brooklyn where everyone was gay except for the tranny.

Let me set the stage for you so you can get involved:

This season they went back to where The Real World cranked it up a notch: Las Vegas. 7 strangers, picked to live in the Hard Rock Hotel together, to have their lives raped...

Finally, after about 10 years of missteps, they got the casting exactly right. How did they do that? Well, they put a convicted felon in there. Brilliant. Joining him is a cute girl with a long term boyfriend who happens to have a soft spot for...convicted felons! And who doesn't mind getting punched in the face to show that she cares (3 episodes in, she almost got punched and the convicted felon has been evicted).

Then, there's a cool black guy and a nerdy white guy, who both have convicted felon parents. Lots of jailbirds, I think they're learning from "The Bad Girls Club" and "Celebrity Rehab". Criminal records = drama.

There's a black girl who is kind of horrible. And a completely normal, adorable white girl with perfect breasts.

So that's it.

Wait a minute, I'm leaving one person out. There is another cast member, who am I forgetting?

Oh yeah, it's the handsome, homophobic white guy named Dustin with 6 pack abs who likes the adorable white girl, but who has a little secret: he used to do gay porn. What's better than dumb guidos? Gay for pay Aryans.

So on this week's episode, the truth finally comes out. Heather - the cutie - is told by her mom! that her new perfect boyfriend is all over the internet doing porn.

This sends her into a tailspin, complete with crying showers and, well, lots of crying showers. But she doesn't even know that it's gay porn yet. So her and two of her roommates go to check the internet, and they're looking at all these naked dudes standing around. And the girl who likes to get punched in the face goes "I think it's...gay...p-p-p-porn". You really must see it to understand how funny that line is and her stutter on the word porn.

She quickly informs all of the roommates. The black guy pulls Dustin aside for a chat. Dustin tries to explain himself, saying that it was just straight guys living in a house...naked.

The black guy is being cool, "it's fine if you're gay". And Dustin goes "it's not like I was running around kissing dudes!" And the black guy, in the most perfect way possible responds "I thought you were fucking dudes".

Dustin explains that no funny stuff occurred...except for the one time he sucked a cock. Oh yeah, there's that. And by the end of the episode, he's accusing Heather of being a close minded homophobe. He flipped it on her! He's an evil sorta gay genius.

How does none of this sound good to you? Of course it's awesome. You should definitely watch it, unless you have stuff to do.