Well, unfortunately I now have an issue with yet another chain snack place. This time, it's one of my favorites, Jamba Juice. I've professed my love of the Berry Lime Sublime here too many times to count. But sadly, those days might be coming to an end.
The reason: a squirrel.
My regular Jamba hang out is in Hermosa Beach. It is the most convenient place for me to stop and get Sublimed. Not anymore. A squirrel has positioned itself outside the store like a pit bull on patrol.
I was too busy fleeing the scene to get a great picture of the menace, but here's the best I could do:
Right there in the photo you can see the problem: some asshole is feeding this squirrel what I can only guess are Berry Lime Sublimes! I watched as he allowed the squirrel to crawl all over him as he fed it from his hands. If this doesn't seem troubling to you, then you should stop reading right now cause I'm going to yell at you.
But let's back up for a moment, because this wasn't my first run in with this squirrel. It has been bothering customers for months and I hate it with a Caribbean Passion.
The first incident happened when I was inside the store and it sprinted up to the front door and perched up on it's hind legs, practically begging to be invited in. Nobody paid much attention until a Mom and her young son were ready to leave. They tried to open the door but realized the squirrel was going to run in.
They were trapped. We were trapped.
The squirrel started nipping at their legs, and they didn't have the courage to charge through the door. Jamba should offer a bravery boost. Finally, a worker laughed, despite the situation she was Berry Upbeat. She offered to help and made a juice, a fucking juice!, and went outside and set it down so the squirrel could have at it. The rest of us used the diversion to Mango A Go Go out of the store as fast as we could.
The next time I went in, the squirrel was back. It waited outside, just staring me down. Everyone noticed. Inside with me were a bunch of Vons employees (Vons is right across the parking lot), and they were trading war stories about the squirrel. Apparently, a day earlier it had run up to this guy's feet and WENT INSIDE HIS PANT LEG and crawled up!
Do you know insane that is? These are my nightmares, and this happened. This was allowed to happen. And people are laughing about this.
So it's looking like my days there are numbered. I can't let that happen. If a squirrel goes up my leg, I will shit my pants. So that's it. I'm saying Aloha Pineapple to the place. And who's to blame? It's you, animal lover.
Squirrels are not pets! They have rabies. They are rats with cuter tails. Not everyone wants a dirty piece of vermin crawling all over them. I get that you do, but I don't. And you're behavior is now affecting me and a lot of the good people at Vons.
And there's a bigger lesson here. Humans need to knock it off with wanting to be so helpful. A lot of times, being helpful is the worst thing you can do in a situation. You give a squirrel food, and it will keep wanting to be given food. That leads to it charging into your local Jamba Juice and ruining my life.
I know it's very tempting when you see something in trouble to want to help it, but lot of times you are venturing into a world you really don't understand. So while you may get some satisfaction out of doing your good deed and solving a problem, you are actually creating a thousand others.
And that's why I don't think we should bomb Libya.
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