Me vs. Aaron Sorkin

A little over 2 years ago, Barack Obama was elected President of the United States. I was watching Fox News that night and thought that despite their tears, Obama getting elected was actually the greatest thing that ever happened to them.

I've always been fascinated by these guys - O'Reilly, Hannity, Limbaugh. They have to go on TV and radio 5 days a week, and come up with stuff to scare the shit out of people or risk being as boring as liberals are. It's really just straight up show business. Though I'm sure they believe some of what they say, they definitely do not believe all of it.

So combining that with the Obama/Fox thing, I wrote a spec TV pilot.

It was a 1 hour dramedy about a bigger than life conservative radio host and the inner workings of putting on a talk show every day. The catalyst for the pilot was the election of Obama, which despite what he was saying on his show, the main character was rooting for all along. The tone was sorta like "Rescue Me". And it was probably the best script that I've ever written.

My agent loved it. He sent it around town, and I got lots of meetings. I was very excited about the response.

But no one wanted to buy it.

They all said the same exact thing: "if you kept the same characters, the same dialogue, the same everything, but made it about anything OTHER than politics, we'd buy it"

They wanted nothing to do with a show about politics. I tried to explain to them about a little something called "The West Wing". Didn't matter. I tried to explain that Fox News gets better ratings than them and maybe they were onto something, but they weren't having it. I had picked the wrong "area" to write about.

But then Aaron Sorkin came along and he wanted to do a show about politics. Or more specifically, a "one hour drama about a bigger than life liberal talk show host and the inner workings of putting a show every day".

It was my show, but with a Keith Olbermann type instead of a Rush Limbaugh type. And suddenly, everyone wanted to do a show about politics! Well, as long as Aaron Sorkin was writing it.

Normally I get super depressed about situations like this, but not in this case. Sorkin should do that show, it's perfect for him. I didn't have the juice to make it happen, Sorkin did. It made sense. Plus, my script opened a lot of doors for me and led to a bunch of other things, and is still a great sample, so it's all good. I only mildly want to kill myself, which is a huge step up for me.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, today I got my hands on Aaron Sorkin's script.

Since I've been anticipating this ever since I heard about this "competing project", this is a big day. And to celebrate, I think it's time to compare my script vs. Sorkin's script. True, being one of the competitors, I may not be the best judge. But I think I can be pretty impartial, because I was born without feelings or a soul.

First of all, I was very surprised to find that this script is not exactly what everyone thinks it's about. The main character has Keith Olbermann flourishes, but he is not Keith Olbermann. He is actually Brian Williams.

That's right, this isn't about an opinion/MSNBC style show. This is about the nightly news. Yes, the network nightly news that no one watches. Interesting choice.

The main character, who I'll call Brian Williams, clashes with his new female executive producer who he was romantically involved with in the past. This is funny because in my script the main character clashes with his female boss who is also his ex-wife.

There are some other similarities, most involve both main characters being assholes with a heart. But really, there isn't a ton that's the same. Despite the background of politics and news and TV and radio, they are different shows. His is about journalism, mine is about sensationalism and show business.

And mine is better.

And the reason is that Aaron Sorkin has fallen into the same trap twice in a row now: you can't do The West Wing and just replace the White House with putting on a television program. You just can't. Why?

Because there are no greater stakes than working in the White House. If you mess up there, the world might end. But if you mess up while doing the news or sketch comedy, who gives a shit?

The employees at his sketch show and his news show have brought the same energy and passion and wild eyed optimism that his employees at the White House brought. Well guess what? When you treat those TV gigs that seriously, it sounds stupid. If Matthew Perry doesn't come up with the perfect joke for the cold open, I'm pretty sure things are gonna be okay.

Here's some sample dialogue from the HBO show to demonstrate:

The Executive Producer says to Brian Williams:

"You could be doing the best newscast, not on television, but in history, and making it popular at the same time".

Ha!

That kind of stuff works on the West Wing, it's horribly corny when you're rolling tape on a high speed car chase. Is Katie Couric really going for the best newscast in history these days? I doubt it. Mostly because there's no such thing.

I've never worked in news, but I have written sketch comedy. And let me tell you something, the people who work there are jaded, bitter, and self deprecating. They are not aspiring to greatness. Well maybe they are, but they would never, ever say it out loud.

Another problem is that it feels like Sorkin could write this in his sleep, and he might have. You know how The Soup does a show about everything that happened in pop culture that week? Well, Sorkin has the ability to write a 1 hour drama about whatever happened in the news that week. But that doesn't mean he should.

He clearly just crapped this out during the oil spill in the Gulf several months ago. That's the main story in this. He can easily do that. But it doesn't feel important enough. It isn't crafted. It's rushed. It's standard Sorkin, but it's not special, "Social Network" Sorkin.

Now don't get me wrong, he does some things in this script that I will never be able to do. He is a better writer than me and always will be. Here's an exchange that is cheesy but awesome:

PRODUCER

"He has no script, there's nothing on the prompter!"

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER

"Nothing on the prompter is where this man eats"

There are flashes. But the great parts do not add up to a great whole.

But overall, the biggest problem with his pilot is:

Why TV news? I guess I am carrying some bias here, because I wanted it to be about opinion shows and it wasn't and mine was. But that seems like a huge mistake. People don't care about network TV news anymore. That era is dead. But they do care about opinion. That's what gets ratings, generates controversy, gets people talking, etc., and this show is avoiding it for some reason.

As for my script, well maybe it isn't better, but at least it takes on the meatier aspect of these on air personalities, and it doesn't take itself so seriously. No one on it is trying to do the best anything in history, and I'm quite proud of that.

So HBO, you done goofed. I cannot believe you chose Aaron Sorkin over me. But then again, I don't have any Oscars, or Emmys, or a bunch of great credits or a track record of any kind, so you probably did the right thing.