Bachelor Brad, After the Final Rose

The finale pretty much covered it, and there's not a lot of drama left. Except for one thing...

Who will be the next Bachelorette?

We thought Emily would do it, but she has to be with Brad for 5 months before they break up. Will they go with Chantal? Why wouldn't they? Is it the weight factor?

Michelle would be strong, I'd watch that. Shawntel wouldn't be the worst thing. But if it's Ashley you are going to see me lose my fricking mind.

Chantal comes out, and she's still sad. She cries. She hasn't spoken to Brad since South Africa. Brad comes out. And Chantal's first question is the perfect one: "when did you know it wasn't going to be me?"

Brad says, "that's a tough one, because I don't want to hurt you". Ha! That means he knew for a long ass time. He says "I knew very early on that I had feelings for Emily". Yikes.

He does a bad thing and ends it with "I wanted you to stick around". That was the wrong thing to say. But clearly that's what he meant. He knew it was Emily the whole time, and liked hanging out with Chantal better than the other girls.

This whole thing is really unfair to Brad. I mean, he's engaged now. You can't answer these questions without hurting someone's feelings. It's impossible.

Chantal breaks down again. It's so weird, now it feels like Brad never gave a shit about her at all. Either he's lying to make Emily feel better, or they just did a great job of editing. I'm thinking editing. Finally, he just says "I fell in love with someone else!"

Whoa! Brad just drops a bombshell. He says "I've heard your happy to. He's a very lucky guy". Apparently, Chantal has met another dude and she's in love. So what the hell are you crying about? If I was the new boyfriend I'd be pissed.

So Chantal is not the bachelorette.

Another bombshell! Brad and Emily have already broken up! But they're back together. Brad says it's been a rollercoaster. They were gonna get married on this show, but they're not. And they broke up. And got back together.

Okay, I seriously underestimated this After the Final Rose.

Oh man, she is so dumping him in a few months. You know the Bachelor producers made them get back together.

Brad says they're still engaged, but he can't speak for her. He's not gonna let her go, he's fighting tooth and nail. You're done, dummy. It's gonna be back to the therapist for you.

I feel so vindicated by this.

If it wasn't for Taco Tuesdays on that Bachelor set, Chantal would be with Brad right now.

Emily comes out, if it's possible she looks even better than usual. Emily is not into him at all, and Brad is miserable. Poor bastard.

She says she considers herself engaged, and Brad breathes a sigh of relief. This is not normal engaged couple behavior.

Emily says she's not ready to get married to Brad right now. And she says it emphatically.

Emily is quickly going from America's sweetheart to a cold hearted bitch. What a turn! It's like Brenda Walsh from season 1 to season 2.

I think Emily likes being on TV.

Chris Harrison has a noticeably fuller head of hair. A Joel McHale head of hair.

I'm sorry, but these two aren't together. She's mad about what Brad did on the show. What a fucking princess.

Chris asks what needs to be worked out. Emily says Brad has a temper. She makes him sound like OJ. Brad says it's "been pretty volatile", and Emily "knock down drag out fights". Good Lord, this is a disaster.

Think about if he picked Shawntel, how grateful she would've been. He wouldn't hear any lip, just like he always wanted. He'd be so happy.

By the way, this is the most we've ever heard Emily talk about any non dead fiance subjects.

Oh shit, they're dredging up Trista and Ryan. Can't they go away? Damn. And they also bring out Jason and Molly, and Ali and Roberto. Where's Byron and Mary?

Shut up, Jason. Nobody likes you. Chris basically calls him "the most hated man in America". I love it.

I'm too uncomfortable to watch Ryan give advice. Please, stop.

They watch their proposal again. You can tell that Brad is just crushed, and Emily is smiling like everything is great, completely dead inside.

They don't announce the Bachelorette on this show, they save it for Jimmy Kimmel. But I just found out. And the next Bachelorette is...

ASHLEY

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so upset. What the hell? Ashley? She was a nothing! America didn't fall in love with her! She's the next Jillian!

I don't understand this. Who thought she broke out on this show at all? Nobody! Seriously, I'm so confused by this.

Michelle would've brought crazy. Shawntel would've brought sweet and somewhat cute. Ashley brings nothing except awful bangs!

I'm so pissed. I might boycott. This is bumming me out.

Goodnight.