Who Cares About Lyrics?

I'm obligated to mention Rebecca Black and her smash hit, "Friday - which, full disclosure, the Tosh.0 blog helped popularize. We're sorry about that. If you've been in Libya the past week, here it is:



It's another unfortunate tale of someone doing something so awful that they become successful from it. I hate that. I wish there was some way where we could enjoy people sucking without them earning a living from it or benefiting in any way. Like, the cast of Jersey Shore, being on TV should be enough for them. They shouldn't get a salary or skanks from it.

Unfortunately, my dream society has not been invented yet. And we all enjoy Rebecca Black sucking, and she's getting everything she wanted in the first place. Well, except for respect, but that was never going to happen anyway. But I have to say, beneath the awful video and the even awfuller lyrics, there are some catchy things in there.

How much is it really different than any Ke$ha song? The answer: it's not. But most people don't want to face that sad reality. Rebecca Black is a joke, and Ke$ha is an artist. And also very unattractive. And annoying.

Here are some lyrics from Ke$ha's "Tik Tok":

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
(Hey, what up girl?)
Put my glasses on, I’m out the door - I’m gonna hit this city (Let’s go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for the night, I ain’t coming back

Here's some lyrics from "Friday":

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Ke$ha:

Don’t stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I’mma fight
‘Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don’t stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

Rebecca:

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend


The point is, lyrics are dumb. They are. There's a reasons Jim Morrison couldn't hack it as a poet, it's cause he wasn't one.

I read album reviews in Entertainment Weekly, and it's always about what the artist is "talking about" on the record. That's how they are grading this shit. How about judging it on the music? I don't care what they're saying, can I break a motherfucker off on the dance floor to it? That's what's important.

How's the melody? People don't get rich off a shitty melody, but LFO had two hit songs talking about "When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet/Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets". That was a hit!

I'm pretty sure no one was blown away that he would like a girl because she wore Abercrombie and Fitch, but it was nice to sing along to.

Here's some more Ke$ha:

Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

Really? A 25 year old girl wants a guy who looks like Mick Jagger? Uh, no, but it sure does rhyme with swagger!

And you might be saying, "but Irwin, Ke$ha and LFO aren't real music". All right, here are the best songwriters of all time:

Oh yeah, I´ll tell you something
I think you´ll understand
When I say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

That's not exactly a Billy Shakespeare sonnet, but it rhymes and it's catchy and that's all that matters.

Yes, "Friday" is terrible. But it's just kinda funny to be laughing at the lyrics, when most lyrics are pretty laughable.