Eddie Murphy Will Never Be Funny Again

There's been a lot of Eddie Murphy talk lately because of his new movie "Tower Heist". Uncharacteristically, Eddie's been making the rounds of all the talk shows promoting it, and there's been a bit of an Eddie revival going on. People think the old Eddie might be coming back.

Well, he isn't. Old Eddie died in 1992.

There is no bigger Eddie Murphy fan than me. He's probably the biggest reason I ended up in comedy, him and the fact that I'm willing to talk about my poop schedule with a bunch of blog reading strangers.

I used to do Mr. Robinson sketches of my own in my living room. I was 8 years old. "Can you use ransom in a sentence, boys and girls? I ran-some ladies dog out of her yard and now I got him".

I owned the "Delirious" VHS and cassettes, two forms of media people I work with have never heard of.

And then, of course, there were the classic movies he churned out: "48 Hours", "Trading Places", "Beverly Hills Cop", Beverly Hills Cop 2", "Coming to America", and "Boomerang". Sometimes people forget about "Boomerang", but it is one of my favorites. It's also the end of Eddie Murphy as I choose to remember him (although "Distinguished Gentleman" has its moments).

The real end of Eddie Murphy came with "Beverly Hills Cop 3". It's really the perfect movie to demonstrate the difference between the old Eddie and the new, deceased Eddie. It's the same formula we've loved in the past, but instead the guy playing Axel Foley is no longer funny.

And after that? Well, "Vampire in Brooklyn", and it was looking like Eddie was going to fade away and he'd have to reinvent himself somehow. But instead, he went back to the well of wearing makeup and playing different characters in "Nutty Professor".

The movie made a lot of money, but only because it's impossible for a mass audience to resist a film featuring a black comedian in drag. Regardless, Eddie was back. But not really.

I remember seeing that in the theater and feeling very uncomfortable. I did not laugh once. It was sad. There was something different about this guy. He wasn't Eddie Murphy, but he was trying like hell to be. Over trying, really. He was like the Busta Rhymes version of Eddie, just a lot of yelling and histrionics.

That's been the guy we've seen in crappy movies ever since.

For the last 15 years, he has mostly done stuff for kids. And his fans have held out hope that some day the old Eddie would come back. This notion has reached a fever pitch lately as he has said that he wants to do more R rated comedies, and possibly get back into standup.

It doesn't matter. It won't work. You can't just get it back when you're 50 years old and have more money than you'll ever need. When you lose it, you lose it. Especially when you're no longer hungry. The edge is gone.

If people want to see classic Eddie Murphy, they should rent one of his old movies, cause that's as close as they're gonna get.

This idea of great comedians losing it fascinates me for some reason. They are almost like boxers. There's a certain point where age and success catches up to them and they can't be great anymore.

Billy Crystal is a shot fighter. Bill Cosby got punched in the face too many times. Chevy Chase is about as coherent as Muhammad Ali.

But Eddie's a little different than these guys, because he's not just funny. He's got talent coming out of his ears. So he can do stuff like "Dreamgirls".

He can still be an actor, and entertaining, he just can't be funny like the old Eddie was. And I don't know if it's racist, but he used to be handsome, and now he has morphed into donkey from Shrek. So there's also that.