TMI Friday

So I had a skin tag.

It was in a sensitive region of my body, I don't want to get too graphic here, but let's just say it was on my balls.

It had been there for awhile. Wasn't a big deal. But for some reason in my time off I got a bug up my ass about it, or rather, a skin tag on my balls.

I looked up some home remedies on the internet, which are always trust worthy. The first one I saw said to "tie the skin tag off with some floss, cutting the blood flow to it, and it will die".

This sounded horrible. Tie it off? What am I, Rambo? Am I supposed to have a field kit on me? And it's my balls were talking about here. Cutting off blood to that area seems like a really bad idea, and if it's irreversible somehow, life is over. At least it is for all those beautiful ladies out there who would be deprived of all this.

Another remedy I found was putting masking tape on it. That sounded doable. Another was rubbing Tea Tree Oil on it a few times a day. Despite the fact that I always turn down "The Tea Tree Experience" at Supercuts, this also sounded like an okay option.

And you know what's better than choosing between two things? Doing both of them.

So I put on the Tea Tree, and then covered it up with tape. I quickly learned that Tea Tree Oil is disgusting. Very smelly. And after a few days of this routine, my balls were smelling a thousand times worse than they normally do.

I stopped doing that and just stuck with the tape, but it didn't seem like it was working at all. I gave it a week or two and nothing.

Now, perhaps you're thinking I should've just headed on down to the dermatologist and have that sucker removed. Yes, but I had started this job, and I wanted to be the one to finish it. Plus, the dermatologist I go to is an attractive lady who I didn't want to show my balls to. At least not in that setting. I've found that you never want to lead with the balls. Sack first is no way to start a relationship.

After a few weeks of struggle, suddenly that whole "tying off" thing didn't sound like such a bad idea. I grabbed the floss...

Oh, the pain!

I'm pretty sure I did it wrong, and the way the tourniquet was fashioned it would cause jolting pain through my body if I sat down the wrong way, or moved at all.

But after a few days, by God if that thing didn't start to change color. I had restricted the blood flow!

At long last, the skin tag came off. Though it did require a slight...tug. The irony is, these home remedies caused far more pain than if a doctor had taken a knife and just chopped it.

Obamacare!