I Finally Get My Big Break Part II

Thank you all for watching.

So a few months ago we got a 2 week break. We were talking about how hard it is to find good viewer videos to put on the show. So we thought it would be interesting for everyone, while on vacation, to film their own video.

Of course, for the first week I did nothing and tried not to think of it. And then the second week came around and I started to get nervous. I took this assignment very seriously, and did not want to come back to work with an awful video. I have a reputation to protect.

As the days passed, I really started freaking out. I checked around and it seemed like everyone else had ideas and were working together and all this stuff, and I was going to be the idiot.

I had several ideas. The first was to try and get Ron Artest. We have a very hard time getting celebrities on the show and I thought it would be a huge upset if I somehow got one on my own (I had a connection). The idea was that Ron would just say, "I'm Ron Artest, and this is the black dick of the week". And then the camera pans down and he's not wearing any pants.

Well, Ron fell through.

Then one day I was driving home and there was a guy carrying a giant package of toilet paper. So I thought, I will have a girl reenact this, and then I will just drive by her and yell: "Hey there, waddya...gonna take a shit?!" And drive off.

The girl fell through.

You may notice that a lot of my ideas involve shit and dicks.

Finally, there was my fall back. A bunch of people used to come over to my house every week to watch the show. My tradition would be to race home after work and quickly eat a big bowl of corn before they came over.

So when they got to my house they'd see a giant bowl of corn. From then on, I was known as the "corn guy". Everyone just assumed I really, really loved corn, which makes sense, because I do.

We also always talk about the dream of a no wipe shit. There are times when you think you got one, and then you reach back there and realize that you are completely wrong. And then other times when you think no way, and then the toilet paper is clean. It's very hard to predict. I combined that with the corn and voila, my viewer video.

I was relieved...not just because I had taken a crap of corn, but because I at least had something to show. I wasn't going in empty handed.

On the Monday after the break, it was time to show the videos. And much to my chagrin, hardly anyone did it! What the hell? I had stressed about it, produced the thing, and others just didn't do it. I wasn't happy.

But we screened the ones that were made, and mine got a laugh. We were originally going to do a thing about how horrible all of them were, but we ended up just showing mine for some reason.

And now the TV and movie offers have been flooding in.