Straight to DVD

I read that Halle Berry was injured on a movie today. It reminded me of something I've always meant to write about:

The death of Blockbuster.

Netflix, On Demand, the internet, it was only a matter of time before the Blockbuster stores were killed off. And overall, it's a good thing. We don't have to leave our houses to rent a movie anymore. It's very convenient. But it does come at a cost. And that cost is:

Browsing.

There was something about going into a Blockbuster and walking around the store that cannot be duplicated online, or at least it hasn't been duplicated yet.

When I was a member of Netflix and Blockbuster, I would always be shocked when I walked into a Blockbuster and saw the movies for rent. There were so many things that I didn't see on the Netflix site. Most of the movies I wasn't seeing on Netflix fell into one category:

Straight to DVD.

Very, very quietly, in places the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly doesn't like to talk about, big stars are making movies that no one is seeing.

Everyone makes a big deal about flops - movies that come out in theaters that no one goes to see. It's easy to do this, with advertising, talk shows, magazines, box office updates - these things are extremely visible. But I'm far more fascinated by these movies that they don't even make trailers for.

And with Blockbuster gone, I'm even more unaware of them than I was before.

So when I read about Halle Berry today, I thought, "Gee, she hasn't starred in a movie in forever!"

Wrong.

If there were Blockbuster stores, I'd know that she starred in a big, action packed 2012 film, where she played a "shark whisperer with a past". The movie is called "Dark Tide". And apparently it's a piece of shit. But a piece of shit with pretty people! And sharks!

For some reason, it makes me sad that I didn't know about this. And it's Netflix's fault.

It seems like the media is complicit in this too. Maybe they know that the general public won't care. But I care! You know in magazines where they'll have publicity photos from the set of movies? Well, I guarantee you some poor sap went to the middle of the ocean and shot the shit out of "Dark Tide". He thought he'd have a big spread in People magazine. And then someone decided that a movie about a shark whisperer wasn't as good as it sounds.

A similar star who hasn't been in anything in awhile is Keanu Reeves. Well, actually he was in "Henry's Crime" with Vera Farminga. Total box office? $100 thousand dollars. Not million. Thousand. They did that thing where they put it in a theater for like, 3 days, and then it goes to DVD.

Another interesting one: Something called "I Could Never Be Your Woman", starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Paul Rudd. Written and directed by Amy Heckerling. It didn't even get the 3 day theater treatment, and went straight to DVD.

I never knew about it, but I just went on IMDB and randomly typed Paul Rudd's name in. Sure enough, he's got a dud you've never heard of. It seems like they all do.

And we don't know it anymore because the Netflix website is letting us down. Stop only showing us the movies that are good, you jerks! 

I guess Eddie Murphy can take heart, at least his garbage is making it into the theaters. In some ways, that is a win.