Irwin's Book Club: "Stories I Only Tell My Friends"

I've been doing a lot of reading on my break, and I just finished another book. It was last on my list for a reason - I didn't think I was gonna like it. I've never really thought much about Rob Lowe, and thought it was odd that he would have a memoir.



But it turns, he's the perfect guy to have one.



As I read it, I kept getting reminded of another famous man's life. A man who bounced through history, repeatedly ran into people who would later become celebrities, and stumbled into amazing circumstances.



Rob Lowe is Forrest Gump. A slightly less retarded, great looking Forrest Gump.



It was hard for me to get into the book at first. As I said, I wasn't that gung ho about reading it. And Rob's use of present tense drove me nuts. It was an odd present tense too, he doesn't really stick with it. He starts chapters with, "I'm sitting on a plane, flying to Aspen, and thinking about how pretty I am for a man". But then he goes back to past tense for awhile, and then returns to it.



But soon, the book grabbed me, mostly because over and over again, he'd talk about some pretty girl he was checking out, and 3 pages later that girl turned out to be...Diane Lane! Or...Janet Jackson!



Every part of his life is like that, so you keep reading to find out who the hell he is talking about each time. This is my favorite one, but trust me, there are a million paragraphs like this:



"I decided to enter the school's annual "Turkey Trot", a big deal at Malibu Park. How fast can a race be with the words "turkey" and "trot" in its name, I figured. Turns out the answer is very, very fast. I was smoked by a kid a grade lower. The guy was a rocket; I mean he ran like he was Superman. Turns out he would actually become Superman, playing the Man of Steel on Lois & Clark, alongside Terry Hatcher. Dean Cain wasn't an actor then, he wasn't even thinking about being one."



It becomes so silly after awhile that it had me laughing. "We went swimming and she was so pretty, like a mermaid. And then I told her, 'Look, Darryl Hannah, are we gonna have sex or what?'"



But it wasn't just when he got famous that he had these run ins. His childhood buddies were the Sheens - Emilio and Charlie, and The Penns - Chris and Sean. His first movie was The Outsiders along side Tom Cruise, Matt Dillon, Swayze, and Ralph Macchio. And it just continues from there.



I enjoyed hearing about Tom Cruise and how insane he is, and that Swayze was twice as intense. Tom Cruise and Rob actually have tons in common, but it's pretty obvious from reading the book why Tom became a giant superstar and Rob did not. And the reason is that Rob is a human being. Sort of.



It's a fun read. It's interesting to see what it's like being young and famous and great to look at. Every story involves a movie you've at least heard about if not seen. If you love "the business", particularly 1980's movies, the behind scenes stuff is very cool.



But the problem with the book is that he refuses to delve into any negative territory. It's all positive and sunny to Rob now.



He is clearly avoiding things we want to hear about. For example, why did he really leave "The West Wing"? He provides some insight, but does not divulge any info on his relationship with Aaron Sorkin.



And the sex tape thing. It's barely dealt with. He glosses over it and moves on. Isn't that the type of huge event you'd devote a chapter to? It was a pretty big deal.



There was so little on it (and other things), that I started looking it up on my own on the internet. I googled "Rob Lowe sex tape", and I quickly found it, and it was not what I bargained for.



If you don't know the story, the night before the Democratic National Convention (Rob is into politics, and was a Dukakis man), Rob had sex with 2 girls, one of whom turned out to be underage. I remember seeing screen shots of it as a kid.



So anyway, I load up this video and I immediately see...2 dicks! 2 wieners staring at me. One of them belongs to Rob.



I do some more research, and it turns out there was a second part of that sex tape, and the other part is Rob boinking some model with a buddy of his. This part of the story is not mentioned at all in the book.



My favorite part of the sex video is when the girl makes Rob's friend get off of her by saying:



"I need a 10 minute break, guys, my cunt is tired"



Classy, classy lady.



Also, after he goes to rehab and gets his life together, he says that he learned to say no to things and take a stand against bad scripts and bad projects. Yet if you look at his career since that time, it's been pretty much nothing but bad scripts and bad projects.



But there's one thing you cannot deny, his work ethic. This guy works. Constantly. He's never not working. He loves acting. He loves the business. And he loves banging chicks with his bros.



I'm probably late to the party on this book, but I recommend it.



(BLOGGER'S NOTE: All quotes from Rob Lowe's book were written by me, except for the Dean Cain and cunt thing)